The literature on the hero's journey- the journey of transformation that one must take to be the star of one's own life- agrees on four main phases: leaving home, ordeals, transformation, and the return. I believe there is another, unacknowledged part of this process that begins before and during leaving home. I call it the "Oh, shit, what am I doing" phase. For me, this part of my journey took the form of thoughts such as:
*Maybe I made a huge mistake by not going to Mexico and learning Spanish instead. That would have been way better for my career.
*That new Johnny Depp movie looked good, and I bet they won't have memory foam at the guest houses in India.
*If I stayed at home, I could have more time enjoy the jeggings trend.
As difficult as it may be, I believe the task of the "oh, shit" phase is to see it for what it really is, the last ditch effort of the ego to not have to die. For the only real certainty on the hero's journey is that when the hero returns, if she returns at all, she will be a new person. Hopefully a more inspired, integrated, whole person and all that, but certainly a person who will need to reacquaint herself with her world. And that is a very scary thing.
Yes, totally scary to the core. Especially leaving on the heals of such a big ending already. Shit, I thought of you in the cold world of airports as I nursed my heart here for a few days. Hope your soul is beginning to catch up with body in arriving there.
ReplyDeleteInsightful, eloquently put, dear heroine...have a cup of chai for me as you begin to assemble the new and evolving saraswati of the east. xo!
ReplyDeletei like that.. the hero's journey.. Ive been feeling like heading back to new york lately.. but i dont know how long ill be here, in crazy california... When i do go back I want to make sure its a transformed me.. not going back the same person i was when i left.. broke, unsure, couch surfing. No. I wont go back or be in that place again. I will rise. It's the journey.
ReplyDeleteI love how you put this. You are a great writer Sara!
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